These are the times that try men's souls. The time for the true patriot to stand
up for his country has arrived.
Imagine the shock and dismay upon opening a can of Campbell's Alphabet Soup and
discovering that the size of the letters has been increased three times over !!!
Where we used to have letters in our soup, we now have headlines. And the new large
letters, in a strange font, are so few in number that you can hardly spell more
than one four letter profanity per bowl.
This nefarious assault on our heritage cannot be allowed to stand unchallenged.
The time to take up arms against the enemy has arrived.
Campbell's Soup may well say that an aging population needs large print soup as
well as large print books. On the contrary, this change is an attempt to undermine
our heritage, to make us forget the good old days when letters were a modest eight
point instead of forty. No doubt this is a conspiracy of some sort, an attempt by
agents of the far right, or even the Russians, to send encrypted messages to our
Help protect our sacred heritage. Let Campbell's Soup know that we will never surrender.
We will continue to fight until the letters in Alphabet Soup are returned to their
Yours in defence of Truth, Democracy and Western Civilization.