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Port Stanley News RSS Feed  Letters Comic Relief from Monte's Used Monuments

August 29, 2017

In order to light a fire under the local business scene in these last days of summer, we are pleased to announce the opening of Monte's Used Monuments on the east berm. We invite you to survey our selection so that you can become the envy of your neighbourhood with a splendid statue to grace your gardens.

We have a wide selection of Civil War generals and politicians. Christopher Columbus statues are here by the dozen. Sir John A. Macdonald statues are becoming available in large numbers and we expect images of Queen Victoria to be selling at a discount shortly. Woodrow Wilson statues are past their prime but there are still some worth picking over.

We regret to report that Mike Duffy Memorials weigh too much to be shipped and are generally classified as damaged goods.

While it is regrettable that we missed out on the bargain basement sale of images of Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, and Franco we can look forward to a brisk trade in statues of Donald Trump and Steve Bannon in the near future.

Night time viewing of our statues is possible by the light of the fire we keep burning every evening using history books as fuel. Feel free to bring your library along for easy disposal.

At Monte's Used Monuments we are proud to bring you the latest in the dishonoured, politically incorrect and vilified names in history but we remain impartial and will gladly sell you a religious artifact or a fictional character such as Kermit the Frog. It is all the same to us.

Wholesale prices! Lifetime Guarantee! Free Shipping! Satisfaction Guaranteed! Open Seven Days a Week! Easy Credit Terms!

Sales Manager
Herman Friday.

Last Updated: Tuesday, 29 August 2017 17:56:07 PM EST

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