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Port Stanley News RSS Feed  Editorials Bear With Me

by Patrick Harding

How do we improve a Port Paradise? Bare with me here. We come into this world nude and exit likewise, so what's wrong with spending the in-between years in the buff? From day one we are taught to be ashamed of our bodies but now we realize that our bodies should be celebrated! And aren't we all naked under our clothes?

Now some might argue that this would lead to undesirable outcomes - orgies breaking out at the Meat Draw, for example, but this is doubtful, because:
a) These are Legion Members.
b) Focused on meat.
c) They got more home cooking than they can handle.

Many of us here live on limited incomes What would cost us more? A Kazwear bikini or a bottle of sun screen? People like to use expensive clothing to signal how much better they are compared to us. But nudity is like school uniforms, a great equalizer, and way cheaper than the alternatives. We would all be equal under the sun.

We can't think of any business in Port that would not benefit from the increased interest due to this innovation. OK. Aside from the clothing stores. Now some church-goers may be offended by this suggestion, but we would remind them that only the Garden of Eden was more perfect than Port. And what did Adam and Eve wear before they were booted for disobeying the bylaws? Like them, let the shy camouflage their naughty bits. Although we may not have fig trees here, a well-placed maple leaf can cover a lot of territory.

Face it, we love going commando! In 1999 the Federation of Canadian Naturists (Naked People) commissioned a national survey on Canadian attitudes towards nudity which found that 8.9% of Canadians have visited or would visit a naturist facility. A further 11.6% have gone or would go skinny dipping in mixed company; that 39% go naked in their own homes; that naturists tend to have above average incomes; that urban dwellers are more likely to be naturist than country dwellers; and that the under 25s are the most likely to be naturists. Doesn't that spell Tourist Windfall?

But just in the summer, OK?

Last Updated: Thursday, 11 August 2016 12:21:29 PM EST

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